Monday, July 13, 2009

Ryan and a Moment of Shame

I know, I know. I missed my scheduled Monday post. But I'm glad. That's right! I'm really glad! because if I had written it last night, I would have had to wait another week to write about this little diddy, and I think my head would have exploded!

So, last night, I went to Target to "treat" myself. And by "treat Myself", I of course mean, purchase the Black Eyed Peas cd, a bag of Sweet and Spicy Doritos and....

...oh god....

a bottle of lube.

Hey! before you start thinking "sicko" - it was my three year anniversary. So take that!

Anywho, as I waited in line (feeling nothing but shame holding this bottle of astroglide) I hear "oh my god!". I look to my left to see an old elementary school friend of mine who I have not seen in YEARS. I was so excited to see her and catch up on our lives. I asked her what she was doing in this Target - since she lives about 30 minutes away and she said that she was "here for a calendar" - which they didn't even have on sale. Apparently calendars are "end of the year gifts" as the sales floor employee told us. The summer months don't call for such trivial things as, ya know, planning your life.

After calendar chat, she looked at me and asked "what do you got there?" She then reached for my goods, and I was absolutely frozen. I think I turned red. Possibly purple.

Long story short, she ended up cracking up for about 2 and half minutes. After that, I shrugged off my embarrassment and thought to myself "ya know what - lube is cool. it means I'm having sex. tonight. I'm about to see someone naked and have an orgasm. so fuck you".

So for those of you who feel ashamed, take my words of encouragment, find the strength inside yourself, go to your local Target, and buy in bulk, baby! because guess what - you're about to penetrate someone, and they're probably not. which makes you better than them.

but for those of you who are still shy, you can always order online. Like my neighbor, Leo.


Love you!

Ry Guy

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