Monday, July 6, 2009

Ryan and the Essay

Dear friends,

I know it's only the beginning of July, but some of my friends are going to take summer classes, and before you know it, college is gonna be starting up again. After graduating, there was this hard/awkward "adjustment" period for me, because I had gone to school for so many years and didn't really have my life figured out. still don't. OH! WHO'S A BITCH!

anywho. my only regret is that I had to learn stupid History and Math (p.s. I've forgotten how to divide) and I didn't really get to do research on things I thought were really interesting. But since I'm no longer a student, here are a few topics that YOU, the readers, are able to research and hand into ME for extra "I Love You Dollars". Your topic choices are:


"The Best President We Ever Had"

"The Loch Ness Monster"

"Queefing - Fact or Fiction?"

"Why Native Americans Are So Sensative"

"The Poop Shoot Boogaloo"

"Foods That Made My Mouth Numb"

"Don't Touch That! Or Should You?"

"Why My Daddy Isn't Proud of Me"

"Jesus Fucking Christ: The High School Years"

"Tough Times, Tough Rhymes: How to Lay Down a Killer Track with P. Diddy"

"I Turned Keith Gay...With a Lazer Gun"

"Grave-Robbing on Shrooms"

"How to Stop a Cat from Going in Heat Without Spending a Lot of Money"

"How to Hit a Woman Without Bruising Her"

Okay! So, get researching kids! I want these reports on my desk by next Wednesday! Good Luck!

1 comment:

  1. Keith was turned gay by a garden gnome, everybody knows that.