Welcome back, and prepare for the "sexy" conclusion.
Ok, so I get back from the bathroom and I notice the spots at the bar have now been taken. I don't feel like standing, so I take a seat up against the wall behind the guys. I'm taking everything in, and watching my friends play a classy version of basketball.(Dancer sits on edge of stage, opens g-strong, and encourages us to shoot crumpled up singles into the "basket". Man, I ALWAYS won) After a few minutes, I have another visitor. A dancer, in the form of a blonde. Instead of getting close, she pulls up a seat next to me and sits next to me. I notice her, but I don't draw attention. After a minute, she speaks, with a dynamite first line:
"Having fun?"
Obviously, I couldn't ignore her. And I wasn't gonna be a dick. So..
"I am. Very much, thanks."
"That's good to hear. I like this place too."
Silence for about 10 seconds. Then, she spoke again:
"Ya know, it's just something I do. To help raise my two kids."
Yiiiiiiikes.
"Oh wow, two kids, really?"
"Yeah, I'm going through a divorce, so just trying to uhh, power through."
I had NO idea what to say to this girl. Here's this dancer, not even attempting to get a dance. All she's doing is pouring her heart out. I mean, maybe that's her angle. Maybe she thinks I'll just empty my wallets. Honestly, there's a solid chance nothing she said was true. Still, at least most girls try the physical angle at these places instead of an emotional angle. After a few more seconds, she got up and walked over to my friends and talked to them. There wasn't the opportunity for me to warn them. Moments later, she turned around and came back towards me, this time getting very close and putting her arms around.
"Your friends seem sweet."
"Yeah, they're good guys."
"Ok, well I gotta get read to dance. Will you stay and watch me dance?"
"Uhh, yeah sure."
"Aww, you're so sweet. (kisses me on cheek, herpes test now pending) I wish I had met a guy like you."
(Right, I'm sure ya do.)
So, we hang out for another hour or so, my friends get dances, and I'm pretty hesitant. Seems like a giant waste of money for a ten minute cock-tease. That being said, after an hour, I had enough beers in me that when the dancer we had all deemed "the least skanky" of the group had come up and asked, I went for it.
MISTAAAAAAAAAAAKE.
You go into this smaller room where the dancing takes place, and what I realize is they get three dances done at once, so up to three people can be getting lap dances at the same time. Awkward enough getting a dance in front of strangers, even more awkward when the dance is in front of a guy you just met hours before. You pay the fee(ridiculous), you sit down. I avert my eyes from the dude on the other side of the room, and the girl tells me to put my hands on the bars in front of me, I guess so I won't try to grab at her. And then she does her thing for about 10 minutes. It was, ya know, nice I guess. But then she sends you on your way and you realize what a waste of money it was.
As we left, I saw the girl desperate to save her kids from a rotting marriage getting on stage, and she saw me and smiled as she started her routine. I stared at her blankly, and walked out. Thus breaking the one promise I ever made to a stripper.
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