Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Ryan Thanks D.C.

Ok Tit Mongrols!

My older brother Mike is getting married. CLAP IT UP, ASSHOLES! Anywho, for his bachelor party, his friends and brothers went down to D.C. for a weekend of fun and because it was SUCH a good time, I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to everyone who made it grand!

Thank you hotel room - for letting us hide beef jerky in you.

thank you hotel bell hop - for not yelling at us when we stole your suitcase cart.

thank you gay mexicans - who hit on me at 2 in the morning as I ate pizza.

thank you ugly girl who threw her packet of cigarettes at me. if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have drunkenly accused you of being "the sole inspiration for the shrek ogre" I also wouldn't have been able to tell everyone that you were only capable of lactating from one nipple. and thank you for letting me push you into the street.

thank you "d.c. annie mad t.v." - for giving me one more contact in my cellphone. I still have no idea who you are but am tempted to call you.

thank you Mike, Tim and Greg - for passing out by the pool and staying out there til 6 in the morning so that I could have a bed all to myself. that was very generous of you.

thank you SANDLOT (the movie) for teaching me how to play baseball and not look like a total girl. only a half a girl.

thank you gay night at Old Glory for serving me more long island iced teas than a person should consume.

but most of all, THANK YOU MIKE BARRY for picking me up off the bathroom floor after i vomitted up said long island iced teas.

but I would like to APOLOGIZE to the maintenance man. I didn't mean to say "you're not the male escort I ordered". you were just trying to fix our air conditioner, and I was...getting blackout.


later dudes.

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