Here are some jokes I wrote:
An anonymous person is trying to sell video of Vice President Joe Biden’s daughter, Ashley, allegedly snorting cocaine earlier this month. Vice President Biden said, “I’m outraged and don’t get paid as much as you think.”
103 countries had classified documents from government organizations hacked into by a Chinese cyber spy network. Not all bad news though, each hacked document was left with several lucky numbers and a good fortune.
The principal of a Connecticut middle school has banned physical contact—including hugs—between students. The announcement came just hours after the principal witnessed one of the most crippling cootie attacks ever recorded.
Kentucky Fried Chicken has offered to fill potholes nationwide as long as they can stencil their logo on the repairs. KFC is happy with its plan saying “It’s a rare occurrence when we can fill something up and not make it sick.”
A New Jersey couple suffered minor injuries after a vulture crashed through the windshield of their minivan last Friday. Police are still wondering how Bernie Madoff managed to escape from prison.
Medical experts see the tobacco tax in the middle of a recession as a great incentive to help smokers quit. Smokers see the tax as a great incentive to start drinking.
“High School Musical 3” won best movie at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards on Saturday. Further proof that kids shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Environmentalists are hailing worldwide Earth Hour on Saturday as a success. A success followed by the greatest power surge in years.
Police in Massachusetts arrested a woman for shoplifting merchandise from a Macy’s using her three-year-old daughter’s stroller. Police became suspicious when they noticed the baby wearing 2 bras and a Crock-Pot.
The White House will publicly release three internal memos outlining torture techniques approved by the Bush administration against al Qaeda detainees. The three memos are the last to be recorded on paper after George Bush insisted on making the switch to Etch A Sketch.
A new federal report shows that nearly all of Hawaii’s native birds are in danger of becoming extinct. To solve the problem researchers have stopped placing bird sanctuaries inside volcanoes.
The science fiction thriller “Knowing,” starring Nicholas Cage, topped the weekend box office with $24.8 million. In other news, AIG executives recently dedicated $24.8 million into researching the use of Nicholas Cage.
The nation’s first lingerie football league held tryouts in Massachusetts on Friday and will host its first game in September. A huge turnout is expected including celebrities, businessmen, and many disappointed Dads.