Sunday, June 21, 2009

Keith's Top Seven of the Week "Sexual Positions that the Catholic Church has banned from life and the aftelife AKA The Heli-Kama Sutra

Helicopter Dance Off has always been described as a group that has entirely too much passion. Passionate about comedy, passionate about pits, insects, globes, cinnamon and most importantly love making. So this week I have compiled a list of HDO’s favorite love techniques for you reader’s at home to enjoy and try out with a willing, of-age participant. (Edit: the blog has been censored due to the graphic nature of this post.)

7)Two handed Taliban

Number seven this week comes from the the combined minds of Jay and Keith. While they did think of The Two Handed Taliban together this jem has yet to be field tested. Before you get started you want to make sure someone knows what you are doing just incase something goes wrong. (The rest of the paragraph has been deleted)

6)Dirty boom

The Dirty Boom comes from the first girl in the troupe, Michelle “Slums with a Dog or a Millionaire” Shork. When Michelle was asked about how to perform the Dirty Boom she said “Easy, get in a dumpster and (deleted) a hobo.”

5)Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Previously named Transformers: Revenge of the Ballen’, T2 has been a staple in the HKS (Heli-Kama Sutra) for many years. It is the deal breaker. If you can find a mate willing to participate and remain in the relationship with you then you need to hold on to that person for dear life. It is also the initiation into our comedy troupe. First you need to get your closest friends to meet up at a trashy motel. Every one should be wearing a clown mask and Bjork needs to be playing in the background. All of the participants need to have numbers and safe words. Once this is all established T2 may begin. The first hour everyone needs to breath hard and wait. Then once the clock strikes 11:35 it begins. The first person will (deleted), followed quickly by participants two and six to (deleted) with the pillows. Ten minutes after that happens you need to switch participant three off of the digital camcorder and have him do 24 jumping jacks. Have participant 18 stop whistling and take over filming. Participants 5-17 may continue bathing in olive oil. Over the next 3 hours participants will (deleted), (deleted), (deleted) and it wouldn’t be a Judgment Day without (deleted). Once that is all done Participants 3,4 and 5 may score the event using the numbered cards on the nightstand.

4)Stains 3-D

3-D glasses (deleted) like pixar but more (deleted) Sean (deleted) night (deleted) 2 teaspoons of sugar (deleted) backyard (deleted)moon dance.

3)Stinky Leprechaun

Developed by our resident Irishman William O’Coyle. He spent years traveling around Ireland to perfect this delicious potato. Basically you get on a plane, go to Ireland and (deleted) a drunk red head. (note: make sure it is the first one you see because you will be there for a while, just ask Billy.)

2)Flap jack

Very similar to the Awful Waffle of "Salute Your Shorts" fame but you pour the syrup on the (deleted) instead of the stomach and slap it with a (deleted) instead of a tennis racket.

1)Snuggy Wuggy Fuggy your Tuggy

This one can be performed solo or with a partner.(The next two pages have been deleted)

Check back next week when I cover The Top Seven Reasons why Raisins are better than Craisins.

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