Okay, the X-Men cartoon is now on DVD and I have little time for you. However, while I sit back, relax with a a glass of chilled fruit punch...er...beer?...I have a few tasks I need all of you to do. Since I'm getting into Survivor (12 seasons later), I have devised several challenges to separate the boys from the men. And the manly girls from the sheep. These challenges will prove to me - AND THE WORLD - just how far you'll go to be my new bff!
Eat nothing but canned corn for the week and shit out the biggest cob you can.
Purchase a bottle of lube from Walgreen's as well as a happy birthday bag fit for a 3 year old.
Purchase the Axe body wash entitled "SHOCK", hop in the shower, and rub generously on your cock and balls. In a matter of seconds, it will feel like....burning. Just awful, awful burning. (I am NOT lying about this. also, if you're a girl...just rub some on your titties and get back to me)
At your next Survivor party, sneak into the kitchen, smear peanut butter onto a wad of toilet paper and toss it on the bathroom floor. Then take a guess who will spot it first.
The next time you see your neighbor doing yard work, play "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang on repeat as loud as you can.
Masturbate to your parent's wedding photo.
Tell your parents you masturbated to their wedding photo. Then, to apologize, present them with the corn-cob-poop you created.
On mother's day, ask when you were conceived and under what circumstances.
So you run along and carry those tasks out. When you do, only then will you be worthy to join me in my bed to cuddle up and watch x-men. I'll have some fruit punch waiting for you ;) no pun intended.