Sunday, May 3, 2009

Keith’s Bi-Monthly Coolest Guy/Woman (but most guys) in Town Award.

This week I have sidelined the TOP SEVEN for a new segment I like to call “The Coolest Guy or Gal in Town Award.” Twice a month I will investigate the news to find a group of note worthy individuals; from there a panel of judges (myself and my dog Fuzzy) will pick the winner and shower them with praise. Along with praise they will also receive a placard with their name and date they received the award engraved on it, a gift card to the Long Branch Lighthouse and 3 back rubs from any girl (read: Sean) in the troupe. All of the wonderful prizes aside I really felt it was necessary to give the general public a reason to strive for greatness in these trying times. Think of it as Keith’s Employee of the Month on a Global Scale. Now that you have the basic format down, on to the award! He has served this government in thirty years of public service… His middle name is Ellis… In 1980 He held the 9th Congressional District seat in Congress… That’s right! You guessed it! Senator Charles E. Schumer! Senator Schumer is receiving the award this evening for his recent work against the Pancake Conglomerate “IHOP”. After solving all of New York States problems, Senator Schumer knew that his trophy case wouldn’t be complete with out one final victory. He would push for the 40+ IHOP locations through out New York State to exclusively carry New York produced maple syrup. Schumer addressed the idea of serving New York maple syrup at IHOP locations in a letter to company CEO Julia Stewart. "The people of Vermont know that nothing is better than the taste of pure maple syrup, and that is why they demanded the real thing at their restaurants," Schumer wrote. "I believe that a similar demand could exist in New York, which is home to 200 million more maple trees than Quebec, Canada, the world's current leader in maple syrup production."The senator wants the INTERNATIONAL House of Pancakes to have more of a LOCAL flavor. The irony is as thick as fine New York Maple Syrup…

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