Saturday, May 9, 2009

Dr. Miche's Midweek Musings...

salutations, all!

so, since "wolverine" came out, I've had a lot of time to think about superheroes and superhero films... listen, I'm never read comic books, and I'm not wise in the ways of the DC or Marvel derived lore, but I know a good movie when I see it. unfortunately, I haven't gotten to see "wolverine", so while i wait for the chunk of free time it takes to see a movie these days, I got to wondering about the age-old question of what superhero powers I'd most like to have... ponder with me, won't you?

FLYING - Just like Superman, Storm, and I'm fairly sure some of the Fantastic Four
NO FREAKING WAY. I'm just too damn terrified of heights. I don't care how convenient it would make getting from here to there without the fear of traffic (except for Canadian goose season, of course), but there's no getting over the fact that I would cry every time I prepared for takeoff. I don't think that would make a very good statement to potential criminals.

SUPER STRENGTH - Just like about 90% of your superhero roster
Oh hell yes. Think of how much you could get done in a day. Fix things around the house, find a new creative way to parallel park, rearrange furniture at will...

TELEKINESIS - Just like Professor X
Basically the same as super strength, but without the bonus of looking cool doing it.

CLAWS - Just like Wolverine
After much thought, I don't think so. More trouble than it's worth. As a single gal, it would make me really handy for opening cans and slicing through... well... anything really (think thanksgiving). But the truth is, I'm a really clumsy person, and I just got contacts. Bad things are imminent.

HEALING - Just like Wolverine
Would definitely need this if I had the claws... see "claws"

INVISIBILITY - Just like... someone. I'm sure of it, dammit
Cutting in lines, getting into concerts early - sweet. Great for avoiding people you run into that you don't really want to talk to. However, there's a lot of moral responsibility in this one - there's a lot of ways you can get into a lot of trouble here - especially with that crush you secretly want to slam.

Ugh. Come on. Lame. I watch enough Discovery Channel already. Don't want to be burdened with making small talk at the aquarium.

I'm not going to loie - I'd love to smite someone with just a little wind or a bolt of lightning. having the option to stop a drizzle during a romantic picnic, when I want to have a good hair day, or when I'm wearing a white t-shirt is pretty inviting.

X-RAY VISION - Just like Superman
Another gray area of moral responsibility. the chance to see the hot guy at work in the buff has to be weighed against the chance you'll see the not-so-hot guy at work in the buff. On the plus side, I do work in a hospital, but x-rays have limited utility. Throw in CT scan vision or MRI vision and we'll talk...

"BAD ASSINESS" - Just like Batman
Let's be honest - intimidation is key while thwarting crime. I know what you're thinking - this isn't a "power" per se', but how great would it be? Millions of dollars, unlimited resources, a sweet freaking ride, and the power to waltz into a room knowing you're FREAKING BATMAN??!?

Humbly yours,
(until my powers kick in and you all bow down to me)


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