Good evening to you all...
Let me tell you all about a dream I've had recently... join me, will you?
It starts with a phone call from Jay, announcing that the members of HDO have decided that our comedy and our lives in general would benefit from us all moving in together, and that I would have to bring myself and my belongings to Jackson immediately. While intrigued, I explain to Jay that I just recently moved last December, so it wasn't really feasible for me to pick up and leave again - besides, I couldn't leave my roommates in a lurch, could I?
For the record, I really did move last December. I'm also hoping to die in this house, because moving blows THAT badly...
In typical dream-time, about 15 minutes later I hear a car approach. In it are Jay, Billy and Sean. In a noble gesture, they just want me to come to see the new apartment to see if I really could not be persuaded to leave my hometown. Billy asks me to drive, and we get lost on the way. There are angry words as to why I can't navigate Jackson.
Unfortunately, I really have no sense of direction. Ask me one day about how it took me 6 hours to get to a funeral... that took place in Bergen County, NJ.
We arrive at the apartment, and I must admit, it was quite nice. Keith was already there, ready to give the grand tour. 3 floors. The boys decide I can take the entire lower floor for myself, which I'll admit, was chivalrous of them. It was at this point that I discover I would not be able to reach half of the lowest floor due to a doorway being occupied by what I can only describe as a basketball-sized spider with a grouchy disposition. I'm assured by Jay that he will lend me a hand in this situation using only a baseball bat. Keith opts to have an exterminator on standby. It's at this point that I say I worry about my less-than-basketball-sized cat with the current pest problems. It's at this point that Sean runs outside, saying he has a suprise for me... The suprise comes in the form of 4 kittens that he presents to me. I'm touched. He then explains that if I don't move in, Jay has threatened to toss the kittens deep into the woods. Sean continues to plead with me, animal lover he is, that one of the kittens is a little special - this would be the bright red one with awful wiry hair that Billy decided would be called "Thomas."
I should explain that about a week into meeting Jay, I decided to get a cat. I'm not a cat person, never was. My need for a furry pet to come home to combined with the 'no dogs allowed' clause at the apt I lived in at the time outweighed the fact that I don't generally like cats in the slightest. While driving to improv reharsal one evening, I excitedly tell Jay about my new kitten, to which he says, "ugh, I really hate cats." I say, "so do I." I still feel guilty about this from time to time.
I decide to stay for the day, and the inevitable battle with the impossibly large spider ensues. It ends well for all of us, and I go upstairs to find out that Jay has decided to install a doggie door on the main floor. Which means all of the cats ran away. I now have to go find them. In the woods.
I hate the goddamn woods... I've watched enough horror movies to know that bad things happen there.
During all of this, Keith and Billy decide to hunt the apt for other insects and arachnids that may have taken residence, while Sean tries to explain to Jay that setting me up to worry about our newly adopted kittens was not a good way to make me want to stay. He shrugs it off, saying, "she can make us pasta while she waits for them to come back."
By the way, this dream occurred mere weeks before Lizzie and Ryan joined our ranks... I'd like to think that if they'd been there, this is the point where a dance party would have started, forcing us to have a little fun and luring the kittens home. And a happy ending would ensue. However, this is where I actually woke up.
I can't say I know what the moral to this story is except that our collective logic seems to be a little, well... off. Why would Billy make me drive? Why was the spider not a reason to leave? When did Sean become so manipulative? Does Jay need someone to make him pasta that badly? Why didn't Keith fight the supernatural spider himself?
Only my brain knows for sure...
Hugs and friendly kisses,
.......... and my cat.