Monday, August 24, 2009

Ryan and The College Kids

So, many of you guys are off to college, either as freshmen or returning underclassmen, and I wish you the best of luck! I always get very excited this time of year because I hope that my friends will return with great stories of wild drunken nights and adventuress. but in case they don't, I have a few I'd like to share!!! These are my top ten college moments!

10) On St. Patty's Day, 2007, I went to a Philly bar with my twin sister and when I went to go to the bathroom, two men slammed the door in my face. Angered, I told the bouncer that someone was doing cocaine in the bathroom. the bouncer immediately forced the door open and threw the two men out of the bar. true story. those men were keith and billy.

9) Sophomore year, I roomed with a friend of mine and we had bunk beds. I decided to line the grate under the top bunk with gay porn, a nice treat for my roommate when he came home from play practice. he was less than pleased.

8) I caught my freshman year roommate masturbating 6 times my first year at school. i told EVERYBODY. i think it even got back to him. we don't talk anymore. JUSTIN, I MISS YOU!

7) Our apartment building caught on fire and blew out the power at our school. We were told to pack our things and get out. I'm not sure why, but I convinced my friends to stay behind and pretend like zombies were coming. we got drunk in the dark as everyone else ran like fools. we didn't die. or did we?

6) I once woke up naked. covered in chinese food. that i had thrown up. Lizzie's wildest fantasy has just be confirmed.

5) Through a friend, I went to California and went to the Price Is Right. I didn't get on, but bob barker DID feel me up.

4) I was the first one to turn 21 out of my friends and after coming home from the bar, I decided to make chicken fingers. I passed out - and they caught on fire, almost burning our apartment down. My ex-roommates, to this day, will not let me live it down. speaking of which, anyone wanna live in a winter rental with me?

3) I was on an imrov team and we performed in NYC. Not that awesome. but we got high in our hotel room, and got "jerk chicken on a stick" at 4 in the morning.

2) I was asked to autograph someone's ass during some gay parade because he recognized me from my college television station. I did as he asked. and then i got a free beer and a pink fuzzy crown. Jay is jealous.

1) Mr. Belding came to our school and I got on stage with him. He asked "what tribe worshipped Screech on the Hawaii espidoes?" I responded with "Tribe WannaLickATitty?" I was then thrown of stage by his bodyguards and told not to take a photo with him. TRUE STORY.

So that's my top ten. Best of luck to everyone who is leaving us for school and we'll see you when you get back! oh, and if you see belding, tell him I said 'what's up'?'

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