Sunday, August 16, 2009

Keith's Top Seven of the Week "Seven Ways to Say You are Sorry (I know my blog is late)

I have been truant and I apologize. This week I feel like I need to make amends with the readers of the blog I have complied a list of way that I like to say "I am sorry". The list this week will be as broad and non-specific as possible so you can take what I have bestowed upon you and use it out in the real world.

7) "I wuve You"
For this one you need to make sure you have eye contact with the person recieveing the apology and repeat the statement unrelentingly until the person accepts. This works on small children, grandparents and lower IQ girlfriends.

6) "I am sorry I did _______, please take ________"
In the real world most people require retribution for actions against them. A practical, real world solution to doing something wrong. This tactic works on drug dealers, slum lords and playground bullies.

5) "Thank you sir, may I have another"
For the masochists in the crowd.

The key to this apology is redirection. Begin saying your sorry but quickly divert the persons attention away from it with something shiny like a coin or a fake wild animal outside. This is great when dealing with your boss or principal.

3):: farts loudly:: "Deal with it"
This is the way Lizzie apologizes.

This is the Japanese way of saying "I am sorry". It is to be muttered under your breath and quickly followed by a self inflicted knife wound to stomach.

1) Take me
If all else fails offer your body. This works on porn stars or your mom... sick burn!

Don't forget to come back next week for my top seven guide to gauging your flabby body parts.

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