Friday, August 7, 2009

Jay's No Bull

This past weekend I spent some quality time with my family members from the fuck-the-union state of Texas. Now they're not from Texas nor have a southern drawl but it's just important to know that there not from the area.

They wanted to sight see in the Big Apple (NYC, for all you tards) more specifically, see the famed Bowling Green Bull (aka Wall Street Bull). Thinking it would be best to save the bull for last we decided to tour Midtown because we were already in the area.

We attempted to go to the MOMA because Fridays are sponsored by K-Mart and admission is free after 4 pm. Little did we know that disgusting creatures would keep us from entering the building. The creatures formed a line for the free passes. A line of freeloading hipsters! The stench of obnoxious, smug, and Patchouli overwhelmed my senses so we were forced away from the area. We decided to head south to China Town.

A premature subway exit caused us to walk a little more that we should have. Good thing it happened because we saw some things in the Chinese market that I have never seen. Well, I just lied a bit. I have seen frogs before but not frogs in a bucket ready to be smashed to death so a person could eat them. We passed on the live frogs for some Chinese food from the famed Joe's Shanghai (Off Mott on Pell) Do it! Then it was time to grab the bull by the horns.

We made our way down Broadway to arrive at the bull. It's iron bod was surrounded by gawkers. We made our way to the least busy section of the bull, its ass. My cousin got a great shot of himself feeling its ass. The photo inspired some other people to do the same. Now I'm not saying that he is the first person to get a picture of the bulls ass. However, the other people standing at the bull did not think of it. Which brings me to my favorite part of the day.

These 3 dudes approached us and asked very politely if we could take a picture of them with the bull. We agreed and then the dudes got in position; a position that was apparently 1 dude per ass cheek and 1 getting dirty with the bull balls. We snapped the shot, they thanked us, and proceeded with there day; as if it was a completely normal photo. My 60+ year old aunt took one of the pictures. I really admire these 3 dudes style. To make old ladies photograph them touching bull balls takes some serious testicular fortitude. We finished up taking pics of the bull and left the city; sights seen, horns grabbed, and ball-fondling witnessed.

Lovely Day.

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