Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Bill's White(In Case You Weren't Sure)

Yes, it's true everybody. I'm very very white. I don't know if you've caught on to that fact. I'm super Irish, and I don't tan, I just go beet red when exposed to the sun. That's not a lie. On a long drive several weeks ago, I was in the passenger seat, had my arm out the window for about 20 minutes, and I came home and it looked like my right arm was bleeding internally. It wasn't. It was just shocked by all the NOT florescent lighting.

This blog isn't about tans though. Quite frankly I could care less if I get any sun. Make lame, uninspired vampire jokes all you want, but it's just not something that interests me. The people that know me don't expect a tan, and anyone that is weirded out by my lack of a tan and doesn't know me clearly cares about skin color and is a racist; and I want nothing to do with them. No, this blog is actually about dance clubs.

No, really.

I'm a bar/pub kinda guy. Always have been. Always will be. I don't have any doubt in that fact. When I go out to drink socially, I like to sit at a bar, or a table with some friends and throw back some beers while hanging out, making jokes and having a good time. It's what I do at home, and sometimes I like to treat myself to going out and having slightly nicer beer in a place that's not my basement. It's always a good time. However, there are times when I wind up somewhere I really dread, and that's a dance club. I do not get why these places exist, but what I REALLY don't get and can't stand are the people who LOOOOVE dancing and spend their time at a dance club trying to pull you onto the dance floor, or dance around you because they know it makes you feel uncomfortable. I get it, you love to dance and I don't. It's really very clever. Now please go away. AM I RIGHT?!

Seriously, what's the appeal of these places? You go into a dark weirdly lit room. There is absolutely horrific music blaring. The lyrics are gibberish, if there even are lyrics. The drinks are $9. There's nowhere to move around. Most of the place is a giant dance floor. If there's nowhere else to stand you need to be "that guy" not dancing yet still on the dance floor. It's embarrassing. People that love dancing should be able to enjoy themselves without having to get non-dancers to drink the kool-aid. It's not going to happen. You girls can go dance all over each other in your psuedo-lesbian "Oh my God I just wanna DANCE" kinda style, and let the guys enjoy their beers somewhere else. We'll all be much happier this way.

(I know some guys do enjoy dancing. I don't have any problem with guys that like to dance. If that's how they let loose, more power to him. Even if you do look ridiculous. And no, I don't NOT dance because I care about looking ridiculous, I think I look ridiculous doing just about anything; I just don't need to pay a $10 cover, along with at least $40 on drinks while having a bass blow out my ear drums to do it.)

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