Saturday, April 18, 2009

Lizzie's Bar-scapade

Hey there hooligans!

So I'm not much of a person who likes to start fights. For the most part, I'm all about the love. But there are occasions when I need to set a sucka straight. Normally I end up unharmed, but this Thursday was an exception.

SO my friends and I decided to go to the Lakehouse this Thursday to check out our friend Zach's DJing skills. We were all enjoying ourselves and didn't have a care in the world....that is, until I encountered her.....
I'm standing by the bar chatting it up with my buddy Mike, when two jolly green giants with bad roots sloppily stumble past me. Now normally this display of unattractive stupidity wouldn't bother me, but as they tripped by one of them proceeded to bump into me, causing me to spill my beer on the dress I had borrowed from my roommate.....the gloves were off. As she kept on trucking, I whipped around and gave her a light smack on the arm and stated "don't push". A simple statement on her clumsiness, I figured she would have a moment of embarrassment and then walk away. WRONG!!! I had messed with the wrong biotch! This creature came at me like a spider monkey shouting "DON'T YOU F*%$ING HIT ME!!!" and then did what any drunk girl at a bar who has watched She's All That over and over again would do....she threw her drink right in my face! From the taste, it appeared to be vodka and coke. The alcohol stung my eyes as I watched the culprit and her friend race for the door. Mike held me back before I could even attempt to catch the demon! As I began to become aware of my sticky state, a couple of bouncers came over to see if I'm ok.....cause you know, sometimes vodka and coke attacks can be fatal. I say I'm fine and they tell me they can't do anything cause the girl left the bar.....they didn't even offer me a napkin....thanks for the help bouncer bros!

So the moral of this story children is that you should never pick fights with crazy intoxicated she-beasts unless you're looking to spend the rest of the night feeling like the inside of a lollipop wrapper!

Keep it safe!

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