Sunday, January 3, 2010

Jay's Rejected Jimmy Fallon Jokes

The following jokes were rejected from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon's monologue throughout December:

Yesterday NASA revealed the first-ever image showing liquid on another planet. After seeing it James Cameron was like, “…No, you guys got it wrong.”

President Obama surprised a group of children at a Boys and Girls Club in Washington, D.C. yesterday with a basket of cookies and a Christmas Story. 44% of the kids approved.

During his visit to a Boys and Girls Club in D.C. yesterday, Obama said, “Here’s the question: have you guys been good?” The kids were like, “Well if you polled our parents, we’d definitely have a higher rating than you.”

Listen to this - a new study says the global reindeer population has dropped 60 percent in the last three decades due to climate change. Which means no ones getting Christmas gifts; Blitzen can’t pull that fatty by himself.

Avatar opens tomorrow, and I read that it cost $500 million to make. I think it would’ve been cheaper to film on-location.

According to a new poll, 19% of people haven’t begun their Christmas shopping. Maybe if they stopped participating in new polls they could get it done.

We got 11 inches of Snow this weekend in New York. People built snowmen, had snowball fights, and Tiger Woods proved no two flakes are the same.

A 100-year-old grandmother in Brazil will become the world’s oldest skydiver on Christmas day. God willing.

A Lil Wayne concert in Texas was postponed this weekend after authorities found marijuana on one of his tour buses. The police would have searched the other busses, but after the first, their hands were way too interesting.

The Sausage McMuffin, a sausage burrito, a sausage biscuit, a small coffee, and a hash brown will be added to the McDonald’s dollar menu in January. They’ll also be added to the list of things Tiger Woods can afford if he keeps this up.

Electrolux just came out with a new vacuum with a built-in iPod doc and speakers – so you can listen to music while you clean. The only down side is that all your music sounds exactly like a vacuum cleaner.

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