Monday, September 28, 2009

Ryan Thanks Yom Kippur!

'Kay girls. How many ya'all been to the mall? Show of hands.

Now, have you ever been approached by one of those people at the kiosk stands in the middle of the mall?

Today, as I walked around on my break aimlessly, thinking of where I would hide if zombies attacked, I realized that the atmosphere was different, almost peaceful. It didn't take long for me to realize that the kiosk workers were no where in sight. Their gold jewelry wasn't dangling about and their sick blow outs weren't obstructing my view. This break would be unlike any other!

The one man who works at the hair straightening center, who has the HIGHEST pitched voice I've ever heard, would not be extending his hand and creepily cackling out "Meees! (aka miss) Come here for second! Let me show you someting!" A smile glided across my face as I danced by...holding out my middle finger.

The one man who walks around his station with a tray of a mysterious white fluid in plastic cups (...) like a great white shark wouldn't be winking at me and freakishly licking his lips like usual. My favorite quirk of his is his inappropriate need to sing out every time a customer walks by. But as I walked past his covered up station, I wondered who he was singing to at that very moment. I hope they liked it.

The crossed eyed man at the teeth whitening station was probably dry cleaning his "doctor's lab coat" he picked up from the Halloween store.

And ah yes..."Claps". The way you motivate the corwd is unlike anything I've ever seen. You clap with gusto, and I can see that you are a positive man. Too bad everyone scatters off to the farthest corners, ducking behind plants and furniture to avoid eye contact.

So thank you Yom Kippur for removing said individuals. With them, we are more colorful. Without them, we're more likely to focus on other things besides strangling ourselves.


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