Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Billy's Helpful Employment Tips

At my current job, I've been there long enough that I'm part of the committee that helps to hire new people. The group of reps that I work with want someone to join us that works well, because we work well together as a unit, so we've gone through a process of having phone interviews followed by face to face interviews. We've had 9 candidates so far. And one has lasted. Here are some friendly tips on what NOT to do when applying for a job. All of these things are actual real things these people did. I wish I was lying:
  1. Keep your MySpace public, so we can see your 25 albums showing your gigs with your band and your job working with a Medieval reenactment team.
  2. Explain your life goals with one sentence: "I'd like to be a cartoon."
  3. Share a story about how you steal musical instruments from your friends.
  4. List Ontario and Canada as two totally separate things on a resume.
  5. Complain about the health insurance.
  6. Ask for our cell phone numbers.
  7. List companies under Job Experience when really you just own stock in them. That's not a job.
  8. Sweat right through your shirt.
  9. Describe your recent physical ailments with: "If I were a horse, someone would have taken me out and shot me by now."
  10. Ask if Facebook is blocked.
  11. Trip and faceplant to the ground.
  12. Describe how you're steps away from living in poverty.
  13. Speak in different voices as the interview progresses.
  14. Explain how you're not looking forward to starting the process.
  15. Dress like a hippie.
If you do any of those things on a normal basis when it comes to interviewing for a job, you're the reason we're in a recession. FACT.

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