Sunday, March 14, 2010

Ryan and the Prank

Some aspects of this story are tweaked because apparently some people have "feelings". Now, knowing that, eat it up, kids.

I was a tour guide at La Salle University for 2 and a half years, and because of this, my social circle grew threefold! not only did I make friends with the current student staff, I became friends with the "adult" staff and the incoming freshman who were on my tours. I often met several people who would come up to me and say "You were my tour guide! I came here because of you!" It was a great honor and I truly hoped that they would love the school as much as I did.

However, as most social circles go, personalities will match, clash, or never even take off. In the case of Samantha, a cheery, baby voiced, speech pathology major, my blood would sometimes boil around her. She walked almost as if she was skipping and I cannot recall how many times I wanted to push her down on the concrete. She was very sweet, but to a fault, almost believing it all to be an act. "How can anyone be THAT chipper?" As she sat at the computer, avoiding work while everyone did something, I imagined what it would be like to walk up to her and punch her in the side of the head. I pictured a metal plate over her temporal lobe. "She's a robot!", I would scream. "I knew it! She's a robot!"

As the year progressed, and the work died down, everyone became focused on graduating and spending their last few weeks in great spirits. As I watched the seniors prepare to take off, the underclassmen were needed more- and we were spread thin. One friday, it was completely dead and a few of us were hanging around. As Samantha played on facebook, I decided it was time to see how happy she would be if someone played a prank on her. I wanted her mad. I wanted her furious. I wanted her to be the angry robot I knew her to be.

So i took her phone when she wasn't paying attention and took my number out of it. I then texted her this message. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!". Now it was time to play it cool. When she came back, and looked at her phone, I was dying on the inside. "Oh my god...OH MY GOD! Look at this!" Samantha showed me her phone and I played dumb.

"Who would write that to you?! You're so sweet!" She got up, paced a little, and wracked her brain as I watched. At this very moment, my soul was being fed by her pain. I grew stronger! So I watched, and I watched, and I watched as she went up to everyone. Shock fell over their faces. "Samantha! It's gotta be a joke!" And a good one, at that.

A little time had passed that day, and people began to clock out one by one until there was only a handful of us left. Samantha returned to the break room and she was still so perplexed. We didn't talk for a while, which was fine by me, until I could tell that she was really suffering. It began to get sad and I felt for her, she didn't really deserve this. Samantha got up and took the seat next to mine. I thought this odd.

"I think I know who texted me". She had figured it out. And how do you apologize for something like that? Especially after letting it go on for so long.


"I can only think of one person. Promise not to tell anybody?"

"Samantha, I would never do that". HA! She leaned in, and I listened as she whispered.

"I had a lesbian experience two months ago..." My mouth dropped. I think my testicles dropped. "And after I broke it off, she turned into this...this psycho!" My head cocked like a confused dog.

"WHAT?!" This had turned into something bigger than any prank and I was a part of it. It was like the gods were looking down on me and saying "Yes, you deserve this". I could not WAIT to tell everybody. I was anxious as a child and I was on the verge of peeing myself. However, after her "big gay reveal", it was only a little bit before she actually figured out it was me. I believe she greeted me with a middle finger. Which, to say the least, is what I probably deserved.

But...LEZ be honest...did she really think I wouldn't tell anybody? It's like the time my friend Felicia told us that her grandparents were related and she was practically an inbred. (truth)


No comments:

Post a Comment