Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Billy vs. Movie Theaters The Squeakuel

That's right, I'm back again with a fresh tale of movie theater horror. I had been on a good streak for a while, and now that time has come to a drastic and dramatic halt. I went to my local theater on Sunday to check out COP OUT(eh) and our theater really didn't seem all that packed. Most Americans were watching the most exciting hockey gold medal game since Team USA faced off against Iceland at the Junior Goodwill Games. Oh memories...

Anyway, as we sat waiting for the movie to start, I began to notice more and more families coming in with little kids. Did they not get what kind of movie this was? This was a Hard R cop movie with lots of cursing and blood and shooting. Do they just think Tracy Morgan is a funny guy that can act as a babysitter? Or these people communists and just have no interest in doing something patriotic? What was their deal? I was filled with dread, knowing these obnoxious kids would likely ruin my film experience. And they didn't at all. I owe them all an apology. Who I don't owe an apology to? The old woman sitting right behind me.

You know how when you're a kid, and you....I'm sorry, you know how when you're any sane person with a brain, and you know that fart jokes are funny? And you giggle at them? And at any silly dirty joke? When you sit in your 20's, don't you assume that one day you won't laugh as much at them, even though you wished you really would? Well, on Sunday I made a joyous discovery. Older people STILL laugh at stupid dirty jokes. The woman behind us, who I saw afterwards was in her 50's, and pint size and Korean, laughed at any line said in the movie. Even the setup lines. Anything, she let out a long lingering laugh. It started as an annoyance but by the end I couldn't help but laugh at how insane she sounded. Especially when every laugh ended with her choking on her popcorn. If only...

I'm glad she enjoyed herself though. She seemed eccentric and lonely, so I'm glad Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis could keep her entertained for a few hours. Now if only she would stop farting and start taking smaller bites.

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