Saturday, December 5, 2009

Ryan Barry, Assistant Manager

I'm an assistant manager and over the past year and half, I've said some pretty outrageous things to the 17 year old boys and girls who work under me and the coworkers that work beside me. How HR has never been called is beyond me. Here's a list of why I deserve a promotion to Store Manager and beyond:

"So Rachael, what happened AFTER your dad hit your mom?"

"Hi I'm the new manager, Ryan. Now take off your top and dance."

"Greysha, two men are here from deportation and they're taking you away"

"Don't throw that cardboard box out! That's Mariah's house!"

"Okay everyone, let's gather around and say one thing we hate about Alicia" (as Alicia is standing right next to me)

"Hey, who's the new guy?" (as I look to our new FEMALE full time stock)

(as I'm being instructed by my boss on how to position the mannequins)
BOSS: So the girl form bases should touch or "kiss" and the boys shouldn't
ME: I disagree with that

"I wish this scanner gun had real bullets"

"Ryan, what's the significance of 1892?"
"It's the year my mother was founded"

"I think when I go to college I wanna be a lawyer. I think I'm good at convincing people"
"Well you haven't convinced me that you're straight yet, so..."

Ryan: "Hey Marisa, you have a boyfriend?"
Marisa: "No"
Ryan: "See Zak, all you had to do was ask."
Zak: "Fuck you"

Ryan: (joking) Did you hear the Perkins burned down?
Alicia: "Oh my god! I have to call my mom!"
Raleigh: "That sucks! All my memories in high school took place at the Perkins"
Ryan: "All my memories took place in my principal's van"

"Hey did you guys hear that Brandon thinks his teacher is hot?"
"Where does he go to high school?"
"He's home schooled..."

if you need a job, we're hiring seasonal help. Ask for Ryan. He's a babe.

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