Ryan Barry, Christmas Whore

I enjoy Christmas so much, i gave my mother a gift already. Just a small candle holder, with the mountain pine tart. It has filled our home with that great christmas tree scent, and mom and dad aren't fighting as much anymore.

I have a slight crush on Christmas, so much that I decorated a christmas tree and wouldn't take the 60 dollars that was owed to me for a job well done. Doing things for the holidays don't require
money. The look on their faces was gift enough.

I'm in love with Christmas so much, I neglected to get ready for work at 5:00 am on Wednesday morning. Instead, I placed my sleepy cat under my personal christmas tree and had a photo shoot. I loved it! The kid that was locked out of the store because of me did not.

I fantasize about Christmas so much that I allowed Kory to stand out in the cold at work, awaiting my arrival, when in reality I wasn't on my way to pick him up. I was in my room, wrapping presents and watching ABCs new christmas special, PREPPED and LANDING.

I wanna fuck Christmas so hard that every night after work, I take a detour onto Galloping Hill road in middletown and glare at this one house because the house is so beautifully decorated. And if a cop should notice my routine check up and ask why i come here every night, I would say
"i'm certainly not thinking about burning this house down. It's not like I want to have the most beautiful house in middletown. I'm not threatened by this house. not one bit. I love it!" and then I would drive away with visions of flames in my head. I mean sugar plum fairies!

I wanna hold Christmas down and penetrate her against her will so badly that I haven't stopped shopping online at amazon.com for the past 3 weeks. I have no money to pay my loans. the only gift I have to give anyone is to slap my dick against my thigh and make an amusing slapping noise as it flails from side to side. Sure, Kory enjoys it, but WHAT ABOUT GRANDMA JEAN?! I'm exhausted. I've lost so much weight. I used to be 210 lbs. NOW LOOK AT ME! My mom says I stink, my cat won't look at me, my coworkers are showing up late because they've followed my example, Kory has frostbite dick, I stay up til 3am hoping that PREPPED and LANDING will come back on, and I have a strong urge for arson! All I wanna do now is pistol whip Christmas, throw her in my trunk, and drive my car off into the reservoir. SO THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO! FUCK YOU CHRISTMAS!




Happy holidays everybody!