Sean wishes you a Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! With that being said I included a quick family video from our film vault to share with you all. Be safe and have a wonderful holiday with your family.



I'm still in Halloween mode I think.

Billy's Random Behavior Rant

It worries me that as time goes on I'm getting grumpier and grumpier and noticing more social flaws in people that annoy the hell out of me. I'm certainly not naive enough to think that I behave perfectly in all social situations, but there are things I see on a daily basis that just drive me crazy. I don't get why people act like this, and I don't get why more people don't say something to their face. Granted, I'm being a hypocrite by not saying something and just writing about it. But, you people know who you are. I sense this is going to be an ongoing series. Here is the first edition.

Conversation Teasers

I do not get these people. Let me explain what I mean. Maybe you're face to face with someone, maybe you're on the phone, maybe you're texting, maybe you're IM'ing, maybe you're greeting a person. Regardless of the way you're communicating with someone, I feel like there are certain ways you do and do not start a conversation. Generally, you start with a greeting. The convo moves on from there. If something surprising or worth telling happens during this time that you want to share, generally what I do is start telling the story right away, because I'm already WITH the person, so why all the unnecessary hype and setup? You're not a showman. You're not a master storyteller. You're just a person, and you don't need to tell your stories like you're a TV promo.

If I'm in the middle of an instant message and you've had a strange experience, it doesn't help me if you just type: "Wow." I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not in the room with you. I didn't experience what you just experienced. It seems like you saying "Wow." is just a segueway so I have to go......."WHAT IS IT?!?!?!? WHAT HAS CAUSED YOU TO EXCLAIM SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?!" and then YOU say, "Oh, so glad you asked......" yada yada yada and the story is probably boring anyway.

If you call me, and instead of opening with "Hello" you say, "Well, THAT was interesting.", do you not realize that I do not know what the "that" is that you're referring to. Why can't you just tell me. If anything, you're spoiling the story because I'm expecting something crazy to happen at some point because of your setup. You've taken away the element of surprise and added an element of self-important I'VE GOT A STORRYYYY TO TELLLLLLL. It hurts.

Therefore, dear readers, if you have something to tell me, just tell me. I promise I'll be all ears. You don't have to sell me on it before hand. I have faith in you for talking about interesting things. If I didn't, I wouldn't talk to you. I don't have time for BORING people.

Ryan and the Rave Reference

I got a call today during work, and a man from DKNY wanted to talk to me.

"Brittany Jones used you as a reference, and I just had some questions for you."

(who the hell are you talking about?)
Of course, of course.

"Okay great. When did Brittany work with you?"

(fuck if I know)
The summer...

"And her reason for leaving?"

(Oh Jesus. Rabies?)
School...Pretty sure it was school.

"And how was her customer service?"

(I can't even remember if this girl had hands, you expect me to remember if she had good customer service?)
She was always so great with people! She always met our standards and took control on the floor and had a great understanding of how big customer service means to the company.

"And would you hire her back?"

(Well since she shares the same name as Miss Spears...)
Absolutely! Without a doubt.

"Thank you so much for your time, Ryan"

(I could really go for some buffalo chicken pizza)
No problem.

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

::Ring Ring::

Hey Sara, it's Ryan. Do you remember working with a girl named Brittany Jones?

Sounds familiar. I think she was Daedra's friend.

(FUCK,MY.LIFE.)
Oh my god -
(That bitch!)
I just gave that girl the best reference ever!
(mother fucker! That girl never showed up! Plus she sucked)

Moral of this Story: Ryan giveth and Ryan taketh away. Ryan just may not remember who you are and will lie in a state of panic and confusion.


Happy 21st Carson. You're my special boy.

Lizzie's Snuggie Nightmare

(girl sitting on couch wearing a Snuggie and reading a book. roommate walks in.)

GIRL: Hey Nancy how was the mall?

ROOMMATE: Oh it was...Oh my God! Jenna, what's happened to you!? You're completely backwards!!

GIRL: What? What are you talking about?

ROOMMATE: How did this happen? Did you wake up like this or did someone do this to you? Are you in pain!?

GIRL: Listen I really don't underst-Ohhh, I get it. No, it's just my Snuggie. It's like a backwards robe. See look, it even has sleeves so I can read my book.

ROOMMATE: How did this enchanted robe turn you into this horrible freak show? As God as my witness, I will find the demon that has bewitched your poor forsaken body!!!

GIRL: No really Nancy, it's okay. I feel fine.

ROOMMATE: This is worse than I thought. Your twisted head has caused you lack of oxygen. You can't even think straight! I'm calling the police!

GIRL: Oh jeez, that's really unnecessary!

ROOMMATE: Okay, the cops will be here shortly. Just try to hang on for me Jenna! I love you!!

(policeman enters the room)

POLICEMAN: There was a report of an enchanted robe?

ROOMMATE: She's over here officer!

(policeman takes out gun and riddles girl with bullets)

ROOMMATE: Why God Whyyyyy!!!?

POLICEMAN: I'm sorry miss. But there's been an epidemic of these evil Snuggies across the country. We have to contain and obliterate them before they take over the world.

ROOMMATE: Oh...well I guess that makes sense.

THE END.

Billy's Favorite Season Is Coming Up

Ohhhhhhhhh man, boys and girls. It's almost that time of year once again. I'm not here to rip on any other holidays or put down other people's favorite times of year, but MY personal favorite time of year is fast approaching.

Cut to Charlie Brown and Company singing around an ice skating rink.

CHRISTMAS TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME, IS HEEEEEEEEEERE.

That's right folks. Christmas time.

The Christmas specials. The Christmas cookies. The Christmas TV specials. The Christmas music. The Christmas decorations. And most importantly. The Christmas music. A full month of nothing but all your old classic Christmas songs. You know you love them. And some of you hate them. But deep down you love them. If you reply that you hate them, that just means you love them even harder. These are facts.

My only complaint, despite loving the time of year, is how messed up the schedules get. Even I think there is such a thing as Christmas overkill, and when you have all the Christmas movies out a week after Halloween, and the commercials out the same time, and the stores are decorated mid-October, it kinda loses its feel doesn't it? I mean, I know all of you want MORE MORE MORE Christmas, but people, we have to be reasonable. I don't need Christmas Carol this early, I don't want to hear about Holly Jolly seasons, or decking any halls. This is the time of year to prepare for turkey, and stuffing, and more turkey, and some football if you're so inclined.

Here's what I propose. I want you all to do me a favor. For the good of Jesus, and Santa, and Bing Crosby songs, and snow, and Garfield Christmas, and Lights and Display Contests, and Harry Bailey, and Drunk Santas at the Macy's Parade, let's try and spend the next week not focusing on the Christmas season. Let's go on hunger strikers, distract our minds with thoughts of food, but still deprive ourself the nurishment we need, and then on Thanksgiving, let's each eat 20 pounds of turkey and cranberry, and then spend 6 hours in the bathroom, singing Jingle Bells and getting in the season together.

I literally mean together. Let's share a toilet.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Keith's Top Seven of Mystery "November is full of this s#!*"

So I just finished reading Dan Brown's newest book "The Lost Symbol" and was inspired to develop a masonic treasure hunt for your enjoyment. Below is a list of seven clues that you must decipher. Once you have deciphered the clues it will lead you to a cave of mystery where you must complete five challenges before winning the treasure. God speed, my lil'sleuths.

7) Star Wars

6) Macaroni and Cheese

5) The number 15

4) Fiction

3) Body Hair

2) Keyboard

1) John Fogerty

I am a free mason by the way.

Ryan in Da Gym

You can get carded for purchasing Nyquil now. Did you know that? Well, you can. I don't exactly know when that started happening, but apparently it's all the rage.

So, as Thanksgiving approaches and we make lists of what we are all thankful for - like the new Lady Gaga music video - I took a good look at my life and decided that there is nothing I am more thankful for than to be done with high school.

After watching a MADE episode, all i could think was "someone should go back to high schools all over the country and tell people it gets better". I went to an all boys high school where my twin sister was more popular than I was. Even with my teachers. One of the Brothers gave out "clues" we had to remember so that if he ever had trouble remembering our name, we would reveal the clue. Mine was "Katie".

The worst part was gym. I had a hard time recalling what it was like my first two years, but in junior year we had the option of playing a sport with the rest of the class or "working out". I chose to go into the gym and pump iron. and By pump iron I mean run on the treadmill for 45 minutes because I couldn't figure out how to work the other machines. But I do remember looking over and seeing my one friend Sanjay riding on the bike. He was at the top of our class, and clearly we shared the same genius for staying out of the way of the muscular kids. As far as they were concerned, we were just bulking up so we could join in on the fun of throwin the old pig skin around.

I now have a WOW memebership and have had said membership for two years. I have gone three times. The last time I was there, working on my abs, my keys, phone, and wallet all fell out of my gym shorts. Why were they in my pockets and not in a locker? I hate looking like I'm lost, so rather than walk around aimlessly - I figured I could just hang on to it - and jingle every time I ran.

Speaking of looking like an idiot - I bought the P90X dvds, you know the ones that have you do the chest, arms, stomach, legs, kenpo, and yoga? You do it for 90 days and get ripped. I did it for a week. i was bored with yoga on the 6th day so i decided to do my chest again. the tapes are only an hour long and I was generous with my water breaks. As I geared up to finish up my workout, my body decided it would rather vomit up all the water I just drank. It was still cold. and I vomitted into a Hollister bag. I don't think I've ever felt more pathetic.

Well that's not true. one time I woke up naked, covered in thrown up chines food. That was the most pathetic moment of my life.

Definitely.

Well, so...I guess I'm thankful that I have nice friends who don't judge me despite all of my stupid undertakings.

Right guys?

Guys?

Anyone?



HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!

Sean's Formal Plea to Webster's Dictionary

Dear Webster's Dictionary,

I have been a big fan of your dictionary since I first started to use you in my early years of school. I think you are great to have on any bookshelf anywhere and everywhere. You are intelligent, fun, smart and just waiting to share all you got with a special someone. That is the reason why I'm writing to you. So that I can help share a word that I want you to share in your dictionary. I have included a meaning with this word that everyone should know how to use, execute correctly, and have it as a part of their everyday vocabulary. That word is...

Punchfuck (adj./noun/!!!)
1. The act of fucking someone (male and/or female) with your fist in a forceful punch-like fashion.
2. The after effects of drinking spiked punch at a social gathering that normally leads to hysterical weeping.

"I just had the best punchfuck of my life!"
"How's about we go to the dance, knock back a few, and cap off the evening with a nice punchfuck?"
"Ohhhhhh punchfuck the fuck out of me!!!"

So there we have it, Webster's Dictionary. I hope this proposal is not too harsh for your taste. This is an important word that needs to be circulated around the globe for all people. Without this word being included in your dictionary the thought of all the people executing this incorrectly could lead to horrifying consequences.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Thank you,
Sean Favre

Lizzie's Pursuit of Happiness

I have no words except "that's what I call a close encounter!"

Pearl and the Beard - Will Smith Medley from Goddamn Cobras Collective on Vimeo.

Billy Once Again, Easy To Please

Anyone that knows me know that I love television. It's obscene the amount of shows I watch. I'm doing the count right now in my head as I type this, but I watch 15 shows on a weekly basis. Sick, right? Sad, right? Well, who cares. Some people read, some people sleep, some people enjoy the sunshine. I enjoy television. I love it. And so when videos show up that parody other shows, of course I'm gonna see them. Seth McFarlane is known for making shows with very similar casts of characters, and he is belittled for that. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Are we really looking to Seth McFarlane to challenge our minds and change what we think television can be? Or are we looking to him for funny cutaways and random pop culture references? If your answer was the former, I think you're watching TV wrong. If it's the latter, enjoy this parody video, and laugh as hard as you would at one of our shows.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Keith's Top One for Ryan (Japanese People make things much better)

Ryan Recalls

It's Saturday and I'm dreading going to work. Last night I stayed in and watched the Hannah Montana movie. If only I could go back to the days when my evening were full of adventures and booze and no responsibility. Yesterday, while massaging Keith, I recalled a great tale from years ago and it goes a little something like this...



In my apartment, the beer flowed like wine, and the wine flowed from a box. We decided to order chinese food from...the Lion King. No joke.

Our food arrived a half hour after we placed the order and I ran down to go get it. As I was paying the man, he looked to my building and asked if there was a party going on. I said yes.

"Are dere lots of women at party?" he asked.

"Sure" I shrugged.

"Dere....boys at the party?"

"Yes" I responded.

"You like boys?" At this point, my "yeahbuwha?" meter went off, but since I my brain was drenched in beer, I couldn't respond fast enough. The man looked to me and lifted my shirt up, poking my stomach. "I like boys". My hands were tied up with all this delicious food - delicious food that was tainted with the impure motives of this delivery man/rapist.

After navigating away from the convo, I had to tip him still - I just wish he knew it wasn't for the belly poke. However, he was mislead.

About an hour later, Delivery Boy called my cell phone, but my friend Lauren quickly took care of the situation. "Look, we didn't order any more food - so please don't call here".

Too late, Lauren.. it was too late. Someone went out to smoke and I heard chitter chatter. As I peeked out of the door, Delivery Boy was standing at the end of the hallway, staring right at me. My face dropped. My balls dropped. Kelly Clarkson dropped her manager. Delivery Boy hauled ass down the stairs and was off.

I think we even called the police, and in the dark streets of Philadelphia I now see why they drove passed my apartment building without giving us a second glance. They have bigger fish to fry than the Lion King Poker.

But I can recall sleeping uneasy that night, expecting to find that Chinese Man standing over me.

Looking back, I actually don't mind staying safe and sound in my parents house, completely sober, watching disney movies. I take back my previous statement. College is dangerous. and beer is dangerous. and chinese food is dangerous. GOD! what a waste of time and money!!!

If only I knew what i know now....


Until next time, go enjoy your mom's meatloaf and let your dad's moustache tickle you as he kisses you goodnight. happy november!

Sean Has No Regrets

Some of you may know about the book No Regrets.

It's a compilation of the worst tattoos that people have gotten so everyone can see how much of an ass they are for getting their horrible idea embedded into their first couple of layers of skin. Not only do people make poor choices that can easily be forgotten in a matter of minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years but some special people make mistakes that are stamped on them for the rest of their lives.

With that being said, I wanted to share with you some of the worst tattoos that I would include in the next edition of No Regrets, if I were making it.

If you're going to get any kind of words put on you, you might want to double check how to spell "Tragedy".Tiger Woods would be proud but your mother will most likely kick you out of the house. She probably wouldn't care if you got your girlfriend pregnant, but to get corporate advertising on your body on your own freewill will make her think that she raised you better than that.Vanilla Ice is so 1991...oh wait this is Mr. Cool ICE. You never heard of him either?
I don't see any problem with this tattoo actually. I think it's beautifully done in a fantasy kind of way that you know will never happen...or will it?
I think I'm convinced that this dragon penis tattoo was the defining factor to make the website for bad-dragon.com. Just check out what Keith wrote about it awhile ago in our blog.

So that's it for the worst tattoos according to me, Sean the tattoo critic. So next time you think you have a great idea for a tattoo make sure you take a look at some tattoos other people have and double check any spelling or if that image will make sense 5 or 25 years down the line.

-Sean

Lizzie's Fashion Freakshow

So being the only girl in Helicopter Dance Off, I have no choice but to do a segment on fashion. I lerve (yes lerve) clothes and i basically just wear whatever I want. I do admit that sometimes my style can get a little out of sorts, but nothing compares to these atrocities......


This is extremely frightening...it's like jewelry for people who don't want to make out at parties with random people.


I was not aware that slinkies were back in style...



It's not her fault...she got injured back in Nam and now she always thinks she's upside down...and has one foot....


I love our country......


WOOF!!!


Welp that's about all I can stand to look at. See you on the runway kittens!

Billy's Concert Rules

I know there are lots of people who make a living going to concerts.  They love the atmosphere and they love just losing their minds and letting loose while listening to their favorite bands.  There can be a lot of enjoyment in doing that, and I've done it myself.  However, as time goes on, I start to look at shows differently and realize what I was looking for in shows has changed.  Certain people I know strive to avoid at shows, because it seems like they're being "RIDICULOUS" for the sake of being WACKY.  They might as well be wearing shirts that say: "Please for the love of God, look at me and think I'm crazy.  That's all I want.  I want to be someone's story later."

These people are very easy to spot, and should be avoided.  Here are some rules on who to avoid and what to do and not do at shows.

• Avoid mosh pits.  I do not get the appeal here.  Ok, that's not entirely true.  Sometimes you just need to let loose and relieve some stress and crash into some people.  We all do.  But these pits seems to be getting more violent and are not enjoyable.  It's so bad that some people seemingly are forced into the position of "Security" and they stand on the outskirts, pushing people away from them and making sure the wackos don't spill over into the sane people.  I gotta believe that's not the reason those people bought tickets to a show.
• Crowd surfers.  Maybe I'm just biased because I'm a bigger guy and can't really pull it off, but this just seems incredibly risky.  Especially if you're a girl.  Or have anything in your pockets.  Or both.  *wink*
• Cellphones = New lighters.   People actually send texts during shows?  And film stuff on their cameras?  Has that footage ever sounded good, filmed in a crowded room, next to a speaker?  Morons.
• The people that "fall" into you and conveniently wind up in front of you.  We get what you're doing, and you're not clever. 
• I go to shows to sing along and have fun, not feel like I'm in a boxing match.  I didn't go to prove my toughness or how much of a badass I am.  I know I'm not and I'm comfortable with that.  And I know YOU'RE not, and you've yet to come to that realization.  No one thinks you're cool.

Except your parents. They think you're great, and they don't get why the girls have not come around to that fact yet.  But keep being tough at concerts.  It's bound to work.

Keith's Top Seven of the Week "I don't get Twilight or Fake Vaginas" (As soon as you see the picture you will get the connection)

There are two things in this world that absolutely mystify me; fake vaginas and the Twilight book series. They are both shitty versions of something awesome so why wouldn't you just spend a little extra time and money to get the real thing in both instances.

7) Fake vaginas just sad.

I have a lot of sad friends that live with their parents, play MMORPGs, collect action figures, have extensive porn collections and sleep in capes but none of them own a fake vagina.

6) The vampires in the Twilight series are not vampires

Count Chocula is more of a vampire then Edward Cullen.

5) Why don't we combine a successful teenage novel with an adult sexual novelty.

Are we just going to invite pedophiles over for dinner now?

4)Pain

The TEETH!

3)Vampires like blood

They are looking to drink from there, it would be like water fountain fake vagina for humans.

2) The vampires in the Twilight book are men.

Sorry Ryan.

1) The vampires in the Twilight books are high school men.

Nobody seems to understand how wrong these things are...