Jay's Sketchin'

Int. Grocery Store - Day

Bill hands the Clerk a terribly made counterfeit $100 bill to pay for a candy bar.

Bill

I hope you can break the BIG CHANGE.

Clerk

Are you serious?

BILL

Oh yeah.

CLERK

Sir, this is fake.

BILL

(laughing)

Maybe you haven't seen one of these in a while, being a convenience store employee and all.

CLERK

I'm the manager here and I haven't seen one of these EVER because you made it up.

BILL

I get it. You're embarrassed because you can't break the BIG BUCKS. Let me see if I have anything smaller.

Bill pulls out a fake $5 bill.

Bill (Cont'D)

That's more up your alley.

CLERK

Sir, this is fake too.

BILL

Wow, can't change a five spot, huh?

CLERK

Sir, I can. But this is counterfeit.

BILL

Okay listen, it's perfectly acceptable to print your own money these days, EVERYONE knows that. So potato potato.

CLERK

NOBODY knows that cause it's not true.

BILL

What! Everyone has been accepting these things. I went to "The Amazing Jim Show" last night thanks to this cashsheesh.

CLERK

The homeless Jim who juggles?

BILL

Yeah, amazing! He accepted my mulah.

CLERK

He's blind; hence the amazing.

BILL

Tomato Tomoto. Look, McDonald's took my dollar dollar bills.

CLERK

They did not.

BILL

Sure they did. I bought a #1 then I donated 50 mackaroons to the Ronald McDonald house.

CLERK

I'm going to ignore the fact that you scammed sick children and ask what you used to pay for the #1 with.

BILL

My debit card, but only because I get double reward points there. I mean you get rewarded for eating poorly. Some country, huh?

CLERK

If you don't have any real money I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

BILL

Alright, I didn't want it to come down to this.

Bill pulls out a paper cut out of a gun.

BILL (CONT'D)

GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!

CLERK

You can't be serious

BILL

I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO HELL IF YOU DON'T GIMME ALL YOUR HAMILTONS!

A man enters the store and sees the "stick up". He leaves seeing how strange it is.

CLERK

You are scaring away customers.

BILL

I'd be scared too if I saw someone holding a WMD.

CLERK

Get out.

BILL

I've had enough outta you. BANG!

Bill tries to shoot the clerk with his paper gun.

BILL (CONT'D)

BANG! BANG! BANG!

CLERK

You need help.

BILL

Think your funny? Now this is happening.

Bill holds the gun to his head.

BILL (CONT'D)

I'LL DO IT. I SWEAR, I WILL DO IT!

CLERK

(scarcastic)

No. Stop. Please don't.

BILL

BANG!

Bill falls to the floor. The clerk looks at him for a moment puzzled.

CLERK

Get out.

Bill doesn't flinch.

The clerk shrugs and walks over to drag his body out of the store.

As the Clerk goes to pick up Bill, Bill uppercuts the clerk in the face and knocks him out.

BILL

Was that fake?

Bill grabs the cash out of the register and runs out.

The END.