Yes indeedy I love them Jews. For those that know me well, they can tell you that I am myself half-Jewish, or to put it simply "Jew-ish". That is why I would like to share with you some of the things that make the Jews awesome (at least in my Torah).
1.) Bagels
This is by far my favorite food on the planet! I mean who doesn't like bagels??? There are so many different kinds with so many different spreads...whats not to love?!The inventor of bagels I'm sure is the zcar of bakers heaven!
2.) Guilt
So this is kind of a love/hate thing with me. Oh yes, the guilt has been used upon me many a time in my childhood. Worst of all, I had both Jewish and Irish guilt coming from my parents. But now I have mastered the art and can't wait to use it to my advantage! Watch out future spawns of me....
3.) Matzos
Okay so I'm back on to food. Matzos is the shit...fuck anyone else who disagrees! Accidental unleavened bread is the greatest mistake ever made!
4.)Random Holidays
During my freshman year of college, two of my friends bought me a calender of Jewish holidays as a Christmas present (oh the silly silly irony!). And I gotta tell ya, they have a holiday for almost every other day of the year!!! It was like every Jewish name that ever existed has a holiday (this includes a holiday named after Esther, which is my middle, more "ishy", name). Seriously, if you're Jewish and you don't take this plethora of holidays as an excuse advantage, then poo poo to you!
5.)Bar/Batmitzvahs
The best excuse ever for getting wasted with the fam and dancing in really big circles!
6.)Jesus
He was a Jew. There, I said it....I feel better now.
Welp, thats all for now folks. Now I'm super stoked for my uncle's 80th bday tomorrow, which will take place in some synagongue upstate....THERE BETTER BE BAGELS!!!!
-Esther
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