Do They Really?

Well?

-Sean

Jimmy Jammzz!

For all of the youngsters who always needed the right set of "How To" videos to teach them how to draw, look no further. Jimmy Jammzz teaches you all there is to know about drawing everything from hands, majestic horses and kitty cats!

You can check out the Jimmy Jammzz blog at: http://superexpertsusa.blogspot.com



Get drawing!

-Sean

What else can you find on the internet!?!?!

The internet is full of crazy, outlandish, weird, and pointless sites for the everyday user. The only challenge to this is actually finding these gems on the interwebs. Here is one of those sites that you would never actually find, or look at, until someone "linked" you.

Ever want to see what a baby holding their parent looked like. Look no further than to http://ManBabies.com!!!!

I have included a couple of my favorite Man Babies.

GET MORE AT ManBabies.com!

GET MORE AT ManBabies.com!

GET MORE AT ManBabies.com!

I hope you all enjoyed that.

-Sean

Billy vs. The Missed Opportunity

Yes boys and girls, I'm back. It's been a while. I know I've missed you, and I can only imagine just how much you've missed me, so let's just jump right in shall we?

I used to go on Craigslist years ago, looking for work around the area. It always seemed like a good tool to use for people get in touch with people. I got a job on a film set from Craigslist, one of the best months of my life. I owe a lot to that site now that I think about, but the positives of the page are not what I'm looking to focus on right now.

I think the idea of the personal ad section MISSED OPPORTUNITIES is a pretty cool one when taken at face value. You have a fleeting moment with someone at a mall, in a bar, on the beach, anywhere really. Circumstances come up, you can't get in touch with the person. You don't have a name and you don't have a phone number. You only have the memories. What can you do?? You can't do Facebook unless you want to go through thousands of names hoping to find your glorious needle in a haystack. Craigslist comes up with the solution. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES. There are some legit ones in there that are kinda cool to read, and kinda sad. People trying to cling to a moment they had with someone. It's such a damn longshot but people need to do what they can, and I can respect that. BUT, sometimes, comedy strikes. And comedy has struck my friends. Closer than I ever imagined.

So I'm browsing the Missed Connections page earlier today and I see one that has a town listed that's near me. That almost never happens, so it caught my eye. Then I realized that it's about an OPPORTUNITY that took place at my gym. I could only imagine what it was. Maybe I even knew the people involved! Maybe I could piece together this mystery. I had to check it out. Here is what it read:

I didn't want to stop working out because I was enjoying watching you do push ups right in front of me today. Great butt by the way! Too bad you left before I could thank you for the motivating view.

That was it.

So let me get this straight. Here's this woman at the gym, going about her daily routine. She sees this guy working out in front of her. The guy is built and she can't help but notice him. I've seen plenty of creepy people staring at the gym. They all think they're subtle, but they're not. It also doesn't help that you're staring while sweating and panting for breath, but yes, the girls can tell I would imagine, unless they're 100% oblivious or straight up blind. So this woman is checking a GUY out, is really impressed, sees the guy leaving, and decides to write about her missed opportunity on Craigslist instead of actually letting the guy know. Clearly this guy isn't going to know about this event. It wasn't a missed opportunity for him as far as he knows; he was just going about his business getting checked out by girls at the gym. He probably has a firm grasp on his opportunities while this woman is looking to get a firm grasp of something else. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?? So, I guess my only question would be:

Why didn't she say hello? I'm really quite personable.

Which is worse? Karaoke or Lip Syncing?

This is the age old question that has been pondered over by the greatest progressive thinkers. Which do you hate more, karaoke or lip syncing? You be the judge, my pets.





My answer, they're both just as bad. Two thumbs down.

-Sean

Ryan, An Easter Memory

Yes, yes, I know that Easter has already passed, but at the Barry household, we're still remembering zombie Jesus and our Easter baskets are still out, so technically, this counts.

Easter is always an odd holiday because we eat so early in our house. That means we get up earlier than normal to help with the chores and whatever, and it's a lot of waiting for everyone to get there. So ultimately, the day drags on forever and by 4, you feel like you've already done a full day's work.

Anyway, it's always the same set up with us. Put the dogs away, put out the snacks, talk to each other for a few minutes, and then just kind of stare until dinner. And even when that comes around, it's more silence for the most part. Then, my sister will get up and start cleaning the dishes and all the everyone will help separate everything into individual doggie bags for the guests. Everyone really lends a hand.

Well, I hate touching other people's food. I think it's really gross and I can't dwell on it for too long, otherwise I may gag. I also don't like looking at messy plates. It's just...slop. Barf.

So, with this in mind, a few years ago, we were all done eating and my brother and I went into our room and were playing video games. We were done before everyone else and we could hear what was going on. Then we heard the clinking of plates and the rounding up of silver wear. They started to clean.

"Get the boys to help" I heard my mother say. My little brother had heard it too, and he looked right at me. Without speaing, he threw his controller onto the bed, jumped off his bed, and slid under his bed. I immediately followed, tucking myself far enough in so that the bed spread and darkness would hide me. I could see Tim across the room, pinning himself against the far wall. This was great! They would never find us in here, and by the time they did, all the dishes would be done and the kitchen would be spotless. Just in time for dessert!

So I could see the footsteps enter my room, spin around and exit. It worked. We waited a few more minutes, and we could hear them talking in the kitchen about us. "Where are the boys?"

"I thought they were in there room!"

"Call their cellphones!"

Luckily, T-Mobile sucks and I get no recpetion in my house. Especially UNDER MY BED. So I see a few more pairs of feet enter, pace around, and exit.

"Check outside for the boys!" Uh-oh. They're getting worried. Minutes passed, and rather than come out, revealing my great hiding spot, I took a nap. I guess Timmy did too because he was awfully quiet. We were like vampires in coffins, hiding right under their noses.

After I woke up, I consulted my phone to see that some time had passed, and I missed 14 phone calls and 5 text messages. Wow, they must really be worried, I figured.

"Tim?" I said in a whisper. Across the floor, under the bed but covered in darkness, my brother replied "yeah?"

"You think dessert's ready?"

Tim poked his head out, like a turtle. We emerged, the light hurting our eyes. So we walked out together, and everyone turned to look at us.

"Where were you?! We called you!"

"We...hid under our beds". I could feel them staring at us, judging. All I could hear them thinking was "But...he's 21. Why - why would he hide under his bed?" But they laughed it off and said nothing else. So I walked over and grabbed myself a brownie, not caring what they thought of me.

As the night went on, I could only think about the following Easter, and what if everyone caught on to my brother's great idea. All i could picture was Aunt Rose and Uncle George under my parents bed. My mother would walk in, bend down and offer them a slice of pie to which they would say "No thank you, dear, we're full. But we'd love a cup of coffee".

Check It Out

You should check out my good friend Marlo's webisodes on http://www.youtube.com/marlomeekinz. Below are two episodes for your enjoyment.





-Sean

Billy vs. The Drunks

When I was in college and really started drinking, I was about as far away from a beer snob as you could be. That choice didn't come from any attempt to be normal and avoid being a douche; it just so happened that cheap beer lots of people frown upon were around $11 a 30 pack. For a college student with no job, that deal sounds like heaven, and it was. So, for two years of college, I drank mostly cheap stuff. Busch, Coors, Miller, etc. Now, don't get me wrong. These beers definitely have their qualities. They're light, and taste decent, and for $11 a 30 pack, they fueled beer pong games for months on end, and I didn't know any better.

Once I left school, and started getting introduced to different beers of different flavors and seasons, I realized there was quite the world out there to satisfy my growing alcoholism. (NOTE: America is frickin great.) Pretty soon, unless there was a drinking game that required a beer that went through you like water, I went for different beers, and I'm not gonna bore you with names. If you know me, you know what they are, and if you don't you're probably so disgusted by my shameless drinking problem that you've switched blogs by now. I don't blame you.

A few years back, we discovered the mecca for our drinking, and it's the Atlantic City Beerfest. And it is just what it sounds like. They essentially rent out an airplane hangar, and fill it to the brim with different beers. They give you a little glass, and let you loose. Imagine there was a BaconFest. There's gotta be, right? Anyway, we've made it a trip every year and it becomes one of my annual highlights, and it's amazing how many drunks they can cram in one place. This year, we got to our session early and made a remarkable and terrifying discovery. The afternoon session was being let out, and have you ever wondered what it sounds like when 3,000 drunks people are let loose into the street at the same time? It's literally a zombie apocalypse. People moaning, screaming, stumbling, falling, attacking, laughing. I knew what it was like to be on THAT side of it, but I had never been on the sober side. A normal person would see it and decide they had more dignity. Luckily that didn't happen. I went in, as did my friends, and we drank for four hours, and we tried to act classy and sophisticated, but by the end we were just like the slobs we saw in the afternoon. Pretty sure that's what you call the circle of life.

Anyway, I guess the moral of my story is that beer is great and everyone should drink it in large groups. Tell your parents HDO said so.

Ryan and the Sound of Music

It was roughly 7 a.m. when the thought hit me. It's early, I know, but some of my ideas come when I least expect them, like uninvited guests to one of my dress up parties.

I was working in the store with two teenage boys, and for some odd reason, we had decided to stick to our own iPods. We worked to our own beat, not talking to one another. As I checked the presentations in the front room, a disturbing thought occurred to me. "If a murderer came in here RIGHT NOW, held a gun to my head and said "switch iPods or I'll kill you!"...would I be willing? Because, you see, at this point in time, 7:00 am, Madonna was blasting in my ears. How embarrassing, I thought.

But then I began to wonder what THEY were listening to. Something cool, I bet. Or maybe not. Probably just stuff they hear on the radio. I've got some good stuff on mine, stuff they've probably never heard. So I stopped working and began to scroll through my playlist. "Come on, find something good. Something WORTHY!"

And then it hit me. I have horrible taste in music. I don't like a certain type of music, I accept tunes from all walks of life. But because I accept ANYTHING, I clearly have no standards. So, I've decided to bare my soul, and list for you my most embarrassing tracks.

The X-Men Cartoon Theme song. Weird. But fucking awesome.
Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" (three times) because once isn't enough.
The "Angel" Theme song. It...it was a gift?
"Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson. I hate her so this baffles me.
An entire Blue Man Group cd. (...)
Works by Christopher Beck...aka "fight songs from Buffy the Vampire Slayer". If the zombie apocalypse happens, I know what tracks I'll be playing!
Clay Aiken's Christmas album. Because everyone loves a lesbian christmas.
Enya's "Only Time".
Hannah Montana. i actually ASKED my twelve year old cousin for this cd, only to discover that it was a double disc! BONUS!
"Jennifer Lopaz"...because Jennier Lopez is too classy
Oh, hey! Kenny Loggins. I knew I could count on him to make an appearance!
La Bouche's "wanna be my lover". An oldie but a goodie. No matter how you argue it.
Matthew Hall and Meagan Moore. You may know their deut from "The Polar Express". I saw that movie with my english professor in my sophomore year of college. It has sentimental value, assholes!
Menudo. the NEW menudo. not even the old one! (cries)
Moulin Rouge. I think I downloaded this when I was drunk. Yeah...drunk. really drunk.
Newsies. Christian Bale's got the pipes, son!
O-Town "Liquid Dreams" because that's what i get when I listen to it.
Susan Boyle's cover of Wild Horses. She's ugly but I want her to be filthy rich.
Vitamin C's "Graduation Song". I can explain...
Remember the fake mtv band, 2Gether? If you don't, I have all their cds! My older brother gave them to me. (because I asked for them)
"Pippin's Song" From Lord of the Rings.
And finally...the Wicked soundtrack. because I love being a stereotype.

NOW JOT DOWN YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING TRACKS! Then take them out of your iPod, and bury them in the backyard.

Lizzie's Hardcore Moment of the Week: Never Drink and Squeak

It's 10pm...do you know where your beer is?

Just last night, in Palmerston, Australia at around 2:30am, a man committed the horrible act of breaking into a house and stealing all the alcohol from the fridge! He did not take anything else in the house, but instead went for the most valuable items the inhabitants owned: a six-pack of beer, and two bottles of wine.

This quick thinking burglar knew he could not hold all the items by himself to make a quick getaway, so he decided to use their wheelie bin to help him make a smooth exit.

Unfortunately, this particular bin was particularly and insanely loud and squeaky. This instantly woke the homeowners who then called the police.

Although the victims never got a look at the burglar, it was pretty easy to give the cops an accurate description: he's the creepy guy walking down the road at 2:30am with a wheelie bin as loud as two birds getting fisted.

He was found pretty soon after just one block away. One less monster walking those fine Australian streets.

God Bless America.